How to increase your enjoyment when listening to talk radio

Buzz and I spent the Easter holiday in the Great Smoky Mountains hiking the trails on cloud free days and camping under the star filled nights.  While on our way down to the wilderness of the Tennessee and North Carolina mountains, we tried out some satellite radio in the VW Micro-bus. I picked up a 3 month free subscription for winning the annual WNBA trivia contest from ESPN Magazine.

Since we had a twelve hour drive, each way, we were subjected to hour after hour of conservative talk radio.  It was quite a change from our three year experiment in Haight-Ashbury.
Apparently there are a number of things you should know before diving off the right side of the cliff.  The terminology, the accepted “truths,” the revisionist view of history, and even the jokes are all part of the clubhouse known as conservative talk radio, and your familiarity with all of this will add to your listening enjoyment.

With this in mind, we decided that, as a public service to our readers, we should put together a primer for those of you who are not familiar with the genre and would like to give it a try. 

Ronald Reagan is an infallible deity

Probably the number one rule or truism of conservative talk radio is that Ronald Reagan was the ideal President.  Just the mention of his name is an inspiration to all.  As President he did no wrong, and to speak ill of him, even the slightest criticism is blasphemy.

Reagan single handily won the Cold War by a Peace through Strength strategy.  Mikhail Gorbechev was just a product of Reagan’s tough stance on global communism.  The policies of glasnost and perestroika had very little to due with the fall of the USSR and communism, and if they did, they were only reactions to the strong military build up and tough talk of Reagan.

Even though Reagan only really paid lip service to balanced budgets and all the social conservative issues of the day, this reality is forgotten amongst all the rhetoric.

Reagan can be used as a justification for any conservative position of today.  If he were alive today, he would be in lock step with every conservative position of 2012

Barack Obama is a socialist

Socialism is basically defined as an economic theory or system in which the means of production, distribution, and exchange are owned by the community collectively, usually through the state. It is characterized by production for use rather than profit, by equality of individual wealth, by the absence of competitive economic activity, and, usually, by government determination of investment, prices, and production levels.

Ask any practicing socialist if Barack Obama is a socialist, and they will answer with an emphatic “no.”  Ask any conservative radio talker, and they will answer just as emphatically “yes.”

The talkers’ rationale is that any attempt to regulate the economy or business is socialism.  Unless capitalism is allowed to act without any government regulation, it is not capitalism.

The New Deal was an abject failure - World War II pulled us out of the Great Depression

Despite the fact that World War II was objectively a massive government work project, all the government deficit spending is over looked.  When the government creates millions of jobs by pouring massive amounts of money into the defense industry, that is not socialism.  However, if the government pours massive amounts of money into any domestic project, such as infrastructure improvement projects, that is socialism.

Free enterprise and pure capitalism is the answer to all our economic woes.

This narrative is gospel on talk radio.  If the government and unions would just get out of the way, we would have full employment and everyone would be happy.  The capitalists will automatically do what is “right.” 

All government is bad

All government projects are a waste of money.  All government regulation is just designed to get in the way of entrepreneurs. Any thing government can do, private enterprise can do better.

The post office should be a privately run enterprise.  Social Security should be voluntary.  Public schools cater to the lowest common denominator and exist just to indoctrinate students to liberal ideas and give union teachers a job.

The only caveat to this is that the Department of Defense is absolutely necessary, and the more money you throw at it the better.

Liberals are stupid and hate America

The “liberal” is to be examined and figuratively dissected like a specimen in a zoo.  Liberals have been brainwashed by the Main Stream Media (alternatively referred to as the Lame Stream Media, the Liberal Media, or the Drive-By Media.)  If they could only learn the “true facts,” they would all be conservatives.

“The liberal” is incapable of objective thought.  They are governed totally by emotion.  Conservatives are only swayed by objective, black and white truths. There is no gray.

All liberals are atheists and hate America.  Their efforts to make things better are just attempts to destroy the American way of life with their secular humanism.

Everything “Jimmy Carter” is bad

It is an undisputed truth that Jimmy Carter and his Presidency were absolute failures.  Carter equals failure.  Just as Reagan represents everything that is good, Carter is the epitome of bad.

There is no gray - everything is black and white

This maxim runs hand in hand with the belief that every complex problem can be solved with a simple conservative solution. 

If the economy is in a cyclical downturn, the solution is simply cutting taxes and government regulation.  Crime can be eliminated by locking up all the criminals for long, long periods of time.  Everyone who collects any type of government assistance (with the exception of large corporations) is just pure lazy.  If you eliminate government programs, you will eliminate lazy people.

The Second Amendment is all important and absolute

All gun regulation flies in the face of the Second Amendment.  There is no such thing as reasonable gun regulation. Every American has an unalienable right to own any type of gun ever made and as many guns as they want.

If guns are outlawed, only the outlaws will have guns.

There are probably more rules, but these should be enough to increase your listening enjoyment.